That droning sound in the background is Al Gore, still yammering about global warming. And unfortunately he’s not alone on Mother Earth’s bandwagon. So, in an effort to get all of these prophets of doom to shut the hell up, Attack Deer is joining the crusade by doing its part to save the planet.
First, you should know that all of the words you are reading are composed of 100 percent post-consumer letters. Letters are actually very versatile, able to be rearranged and used over and over again – much like plastic water bottles or Brittany Spears.
Second, Attack Deer is now running on ethanol. In fact, we can be anywhere in the world with the push of a button without using any fossil fuels whatsoever. Plus, deer are naturally vegetarian so by not consuming beef, we are not supporting the culprits most responsible for the production of greenhouse gasses – cattle.
I am all for conservation, but the pendulum has swung so far in one direction that the green movement has started to look a lot like the red scare. Duck and cover. Paper or plastic?
Of course, the ridiculous amount of hand-wringing going on over the environment might be just what the doctor ordered to get us thinking seriously about taking care of what we have.
I actually had an idea of my own that could help stave off the certain death that Mr. Gore assures me is just around the corner. It’s become trendy in Austin to carry a canvas bag for grocery shopping. Use the same bag every time and there’s no need to worry about environmentally-unfriendly grocery bags piling up in your kitchen cabinet. But my idea is even better. What if you were not allowed to carry any bags at all? This way you would be compelled to buy only what you can carry in your hands. This would make people think long and hard about what they pick up.
Think about the benefits. People would be healthier because they would never leave the grocery store with more than a handful of food. Plus, you would naturally eat fresher foods because a bag of peaches is easier to carry than a can of peaches. Less food to take home means less food to store, so you can turn off the refrigerator, reducing your carbon footprint. You would also have to make more trips to the store, so more walking.
This is an irrational approach, I know. But if I were a democrat they would be handing me Nobel prizes.