Business Time

I heard a reference to this song on Sports Center the other night so I think it is pretty main stream. But in case you have not heard it, here it is. I'm sure you will not be able to get the tune out of your head, especially when it is business time.

With Friends Like This

I spent most of my adolescence wasting time with my friend Craig. Our activities rarely extended beyond playing basketball, reading comic books or playing video games. But sometimes boredom got the best of us and we would try something different.

On one such occasion I decided to give Craig's new Rollerblades a try. Looking back, that he even owned a pair of Rollerblades seems ridiculous, but whatever. I walked out into his driveway and strapped them bad boys on. Once my feet were adorned with said footwear, Craig helped me take position in the middle of the street in front of his house. This particular street, Spanish Trail, seemed like an ideal place to stage my first-ever Rollerblade mission. Starting in front of Craig's house it was pretty straight and, best of all, downhill.

Standing on the crest of the hill, staring down Spanish Trail, I was wearing the following: a t-shirt, shorts and Rollerblades. I guess it was youthful hubris, but that this could turn out to be anything but my finest hour never crossed my mind.

With a healthy shove from Craig, I was off. I started out slow but before long I was picking up speed. I started drifting to the left and that's when I realized that Craig had left 'turning' out of his tutorial. He must have remembered too, because at about that time I heard him yelling behind me, "It's like skiing! Turn like you're skiing!"

By this time I was barrelling down the street, veering toward the drainage ditch and Craig's instructions seemed to come at just the right time. I know how to ski, so I shifted my weight, attempting a hockey-style stop. Bound by the laws of physics, the polycarbonate wheels were unable to maintain contact with the street and pretty quickly I was horizontal, flying through the air.

These are the things my brain processed:

1. "Craig has never been skiing, why would he know how to stop?"

2. "Wow, I'm going faster than I thought."

3. "I am about the hit the street, which from this new perspective, can best be described as an asphalt cheese grater."

4. "Mother $@#% that hurts!"

5. "Is that #$%&@ laughing at me?"

And I was right, he was laughing at me. I bled a lot that day and it was the last time I ever roller bladed. It was also the last time I took advice from Craig unconditionally. That was only one of at least seven different occasions I almost died as a result of something Craig and I were doing.

We live in different towns now.

Oh My God What's Your Name My Name's Lyle

I couldn't resist making this lyric from Lyle Lovett's song "Redneck Woman" the title of this post, but it has little to do with what comes next. If you are not familiar with Lyle's music, it difficult to categorize so I won't bore you with an explanation. But I came across this YouTube clip that I wanted to share here. The song is called "Flyin' Shoes" and is Lovett's cover of the song "To Live's to Fly", written by Townes Van Zandt, which explains the images in the video. So, I encourage you to take some time away from whatever you are doing and give this a listen. If your day does not improve by a factor of 10, I will refund every dime. Enjoy.

Into the Wild

A movie based on one of my favorite books, "Into the Wild," is coming out soon and the trailer looks fantastic. The story is based on the life of Chris McCandless, a drifter who starved to death in the Alaskan wilderness. McCandless came from an upper class family but rejected the trappings of his privileged lifestyle. Instead, he saw himself as an adventurer and was heavily influenced by the writings of Jack London.

What I find most intriguing about the book is the seemingly very honest portrayal of McCandless. He is not a sympathetic character, but John Krakauer, an outdoor journalist and seasoned mountain climber, is such an exceptional storyteller that it doesn't matter. Krakauer brings to bear much of his own experience in telling this story and in his hands it feels very authentic.

After graduating from college, McCandless cut off contact with his family and set off across the U.S. He tramped around the western states for a couple of years, living a transient lifestyle that was largely absent of any meaningful human contact. His ultimate goal: to disappear into the Alaskan wilderness and shed the civilized world entirely. When he finally got there he survived for almost six months, which is pretty amazing.

I read an article about the movie and in it the author compares McCandless to John Muir, the famous conservationist. In my opinion, making this comparison is irresponsible. Muir was at least an advocate for the great outdoors. McCandless, on the other hand, simply viewed nature as a place to escape to. He was, after all, homeless and living in an abandoned bus when he died of hunger and exposure. But because this bus happened to be located in the wilds of Alaska it takes on a completely romanticized perspective.

But it's still an interesting story and I hope the movie is faithful to the tone of Krakauer's narrative. I've included the trailer below.

Why I hate baseball

Is this a typo? If not has such a thing ever happened before?

MLB
	Texas vs. Baltimore	30 3		F

This is a perfect example of why I hate baseball, especially regular season baseball. I was noticing that yesterday Baltimore beat Texas 6 to 3. How does that happen from one day to the next? Would the Cowboys ever lose to the Redskins 14 - 6 and then come back the very next day and beat the same team 182 - 21? It is all because in baseball the game relies far too heavily on one man - the pitcher. If he is on fire then it does not matter if the rest of the team sucks. On the other hand the rest of the team could score 29 runs, but (as apparently happened here) the pitcher could always give up 30! In my opinion baseball, as with dictatorships, puts too much power in the hands (or arm) of one guy.

This game must rank 4th for all time greatest moments in Ranger's history behind 3 things that Nolan Ryan did.

Impressionist Frank Caliendo does Madden, Bush, and more

To see an extremely funny video go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoR2X8eZtns

Attack Deer Guy Lesson #1

Let's say, hypothetically, that your wife asks you to go to the kitchen and get her bag that's sitting on the counter. This is a perfectly reasonable request, so you would probably head to the kitchen and get the bag.

Then let's say, hypothetically, that when you get to the kitchen, this is what you find:

I know what you're thinking, "but Lance, there are three bags here."

But you are wrong. No worries, so was I. You see, to the trained eye, there is only one bag in this picture. There is also one purse and one tote.

If your wife asks you to bring her bag, you had better bring the right one. Donna is not what I would call "high maintenance" but I'll go ahead and call this the exception.

This has been a service of Attack Deer.